It’s been a long time since I’ve updated, and I need to tell you why…. This is going to be an incredibly personal post, so buckle up!
In November 2018, I did the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do — I came out to my husband and family as gay.
I have always been gay, but the problem was that I didn’t realize it. Why? Well, I didn’t really understand what it meant to be gay. The only people I knew as a kid that were gay were very different from me - the most prominent of them was a man who was interested in fashion and shopping. What I knew of gay people didn’t match who I was.
When I was a teenager and entering college, my life dream was to join the military. At the time, “Don’t ask, Don’t Tell” was a policy still in place, and being gay generally carried a very negative connotation. I never gave the notion that I could be gay any space to breathe; I never considered that as an option on the menu.
Fast forward many years: I found myself dating men because that’s what society said was normal. I met a man that I got along with extremely well - he became my best friend - but our relationship was always best described as friendship. We got married, and he became my husband, though again, the moniker “best friend” would always better describe our relationship.
As societies views on homosexuality changed, I started to become more aware of my own sexuality. I met women that I found myself attracted to - and not just physically, but in an emotional way that I’d never experienced before.
Of course, I was already married, and now I felt stuck. I was never willing to consider cheating on my husband to figure out if I was actually gay or if these were fleeting feelings. So I internalized the whole struggle — and for the last few years, I privately wrestled with myself.
Most people come out in phases. They start with “I think I might be gay” and eventually evolve into “I am gay.” I needed to be sure before I came out, and the only way to be sure was to spend years in deep contemplation.
Finally, last fall, I decided it was time. I sat my husband down and told him.
Kudos to him - he took it like a champ. He gave me a hug, and held no ill-will. He was the best ally anyone could ever hope for. My parents also responded warmly.
Since then, I’ve been going through the motions to change my lifestyle - moving out, getting divorced, and starting my new life as the gay woman I really am.
It didn’t take long after I came out for me to meet a woman, who I have since fallen madly in love with. I’ll introduce you to her in future posts!
Thanks for sticking by me while I’ve been away…. Much love!